Thursday, November 11, 2010

I never, ever, EVER thought I'd say this.......

Having been through 5 miscarriages, and then having a baby at 33 weeks, I have, at times, not been.... sympathetic to women's complaints in their last weeks of pregnancy. As in, how dare they complain about the insomnia, discomfort, etc. I *wish* I could be that pregnant. Etc.

So when I say this, this is really something I never, ever, EVER thought I would feel, let alone say: I want the baby to come out now. Safely and healthfully, but my patience is at an end.

I'm not even that uncomfortable, but I just want to meet him already and hold him and kiss him and love on him. What does he look like and sound like and smell like? Plus, I'm a waddling walrus. Also, I want to make our Christmas cards.

Had my 37 week appointment today. BP was 102/78, non stress test was awesome (I think he was actually kicking or punching the monitor on my stomach for a bit), and I do not have gestational diabetes. The nurse informed me when she showed my obgyn the non stress test results that the doc "has huge smiles on her face." I got the DTaP vaccine. Cervix is closed. No contractions whatsoever.
It's like the farther this pregnancy goes, the better I get at being pregnant. Which, if you had told me 8 months ago, I would have laughed at you. I mean, I turn 40 in a month. Look at my history. And yet.... It's strange to learn something about yourself that you thought was so elemental and instrinsic, and turns out, you were wrong. The story in my head was that I was bad at being pregnant, that my body wasn't good at it, didn't like it, and frankly, didn't want it.

But I'm here. And not likely to go anywhere anytime soon.

My coworkers are throwing me a shower on November 21 at one of their houses. Not only do I get better at being pregnant, but good fortune is being thrown at us in waves. . . .

I packed my hospital bag. Turns out, when you're doing a c-section, the majority of things they list in a hospital bag are unnecessary. I have going home clothes and toiletries. I thought about bringing a novel to read, but then I thought someone would laugh at me.

Brody. My sweetness. It seems like we are getting daily deliveries of presents for the baby, left on our front porch or brought over by people. And he gets SO excited about them, thinking they are for him. But when we tell him not ("No, honey, it's a car seat base for your brother") his smile dims for a millisecond and then brightens again and he says "Oh yay! Let's put it togezzer!" We definitely need to give him some quality time in the next couple of weeks. I didn't think I could love him more, but then he does this....

I asked B if he could tell his brother anything right now, what would it be? I was thinking he would start talking about Spiderman, or Buzz Lightyear, or the dogs. But you know what he said? "I'd say I love him." Then he said, "I'm gonna tell him right now," and spoke into my bellybutton, "I love you." And then he kissed my belly.

This is how he looks brushing off my car in the morning.

How does your heart not break from being filled up with this much love?


SaRaH said...

This little bruzzah has some big shoes to fill. Luckily, I'm sure he'll be up to the challenge. I remember the end of pregnancy. I felt so guilty because Nora, too, was born at 33 weeks. I was so thankful to be SO pregnant. And then... not so much.

Hef said...

I'm listening to Aub sing to Josie through the baby monitor right now. And it ended in a kiss. It's seriously the greatest thing EVER.

Hang in there momma, I totally get it.

And I do sometimes think- truly- that my heart is crumbling from all of this blissful love.