Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Brodyisms, and gossip from daycare

Brody is starting to tell me the news from daycare. We always ask how his day was (then he asks how ours were). It's very cute.

Lately, he's told me the following:

Zach called the teacher "stupid" and then he ran under the grey table and the teacher was maaaaad. And he said, "Miss Susan, you are stupid" and then he ran.

Cadence cries a lot because she takes toys that aren't hers and puts them in her cubby.

Noah pooped on the floor of the bathroom, and Mr. David had to clean it up and he wasn't happy at Noah. (Brody laughed and laughed and laughed)


Also, I took Brody to work one day, and as we were driving home, we passed by the State capitol. I said, "Look Brody, that's where the people make the laws!"

He said, "Day make da laws?"

I said, "Yes! That's where they make laws!"

And then he said, "And where day eat squirrels?"


Also, he received a transformer Bumblebee for his birthday. It's one of the ones that actually transforms from yellow car to yellow robot. Last night at dinner, he was examining underneath the car, and proclaimed, "Dere's Bumblebee's arms, and feet, and penis." Because, really, why wouldn't a transformer robot have one?


The boys went to Shriners last week - a post for a different day - to have an exam done on Brody's right hand. The right hand is back to 90 degrees off the wrist, and the fingers are very stiff and not moveable. For example, when Brody shoots webs while playing Spiderman, he only uses his left hand (this becomes important in a second). The issue up for discussion is whether to do another surgery on that hand to get it straighter (and increase his reach by 3 inches). I talked to Brody about whether he wanted the surgery. I told him I really like his right hand just the way it is. He thought about it, and then said, "No I want da doctor to make my hand straight. So I can shoot webs wis it."

And that's why Brody is not quite in charge of his medical care.

Thursday, September 23, 2010



No longer with Christmas.

But definitely with baby.

What did I think about before?

I’ve had birth dreams two nights in a row – all goes well. Mostly. In one story, the OR where I will have my c-section is attached to the mall, and I get lost in the mall – hospital gown and IV pole attached – and can’t find my way back to the OR part. Even when I’m rollerskating around the mall. In the other dream, after he is born, J and I have to attend a “political” rally with the baby, who just sort of slid out of me painlessly (turns out the rally is really more of a religious cult, looking back but I don’t think that’s the point of the dream).

But the baby is fine and healthy in these dreams. And very cute.

I watched NICU while home with a cold this week. I look for pictures of newborns. They are so squishy and wee. I look for baby announcements and silly, adorable hats for him to wear.

I registered at Target, for goodness sakes. After telling Jeremy it was inappropriate because it’s our second baby.

Brody heard us talking about whether we will have a shower (I did state firmly that that was inappropriate). Then later that day, Brody said, "If we put my brudder in da shower, den he will grow."

We have a name, I think. Brody sort of picked it. We had a few and this name is the one he liked. It was strange how opinionated Brody was about the name. No to this one, no to that one. Firmly and without hesitation. Brody listens every day to his brother, lifting my shirt up wherever we are, and putting his ear to my stomach. I’ll ask him what his brother is doing, and he’ll say “Babies don’t talk” and then explain that his brother is farting or drinking milk.

My friend Stacy dropped off a truckload of baby toys and, naturally, Brody loves to play with them. But when Mocha, the dog, started sniffing one, Brody said, “No, Mocha! Dat’s fer my brudder!”

We have a changing table in our living room because the “baby’s” room is still a guest room because we have nowhere to put the bed at the moment. I think if we actually put the baby’s room together right now, I might never leave it.

I want him here now, but not now really but closer to Thanksgiving but I wish it was mid-November right about now.

I want to see what he looks like, who he looks like and whether he has black hair like Brody did ...

My birthday is December 23, and the legend goes that I came home in a giant red and white Christmas stocking on Christmas day.

Years ago, my mom gave me that same Christmas stocking.

I want to bring him home in it.

Monday, September 20, 2010


Lately, the last several weeks, I've been obsessed with a holiday.

Christmas, in fact.

Yes, I'm born right before Christmas, yes, it's my favorite time of year. But really, since July I would say, when I bought a Christmas tree or two, (since cancelled) I have been bewitched by Christmas.


I have figured it out.

I am fixated by Christmas because I want the bubba to be here, safe and sound.

And by Christmas, he will be.

And that is when I can rest easy.

I'm torn this whole time, still. After viability, after entering the third trimester, after feeling him kick every day. I’m still unable to be completely believe it will be okay. It’s so improbable, it’s so fantastical and miraculous and unexpected and incredible, how can it come to actually happen?

I feel better knowing why I was obsessed with Christmas. It makes it feel less urgent to happen.

And I have forgiven myself for not ever fully embracing pregnancy. It's like, for me, embracing open heart surgery. Yes, it is miraculous when it works, but I've seen it fail too often.

But I do know that I am grateful for pregnancy. Even when I look forward to its successful conclusion with a compulsive bent.

And as for the why, as in, why do I get so lucky twice, this quote came into my head this weekend:

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

I don't have to know the why. At least, not yet.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What's the word I'm looking for?

Remember my dispute with my health insurance company and how they wouldn't cover the generic form of my Lovenox even though it was 1/4 the price of name brand? (aka, $50 copay every 6 days vs $10 copay every 6 days) (United Healthcare said my plan only authorized 6 days supply at a time)

Well, the next time - after my latest 6 day supply ran out - that I went to fill my prescription for Lovenox, Target told me I had to call my insurance company.


But not really.

Because now somehow I got mail order meds.

Will they send only 6 days supply at a time? And only name brand?

Let's examine the evidence that was delivered at 9am today.

Answers to the above questions: No. And no.

I just paid $10 for 60 doses of GENERIC Lovenox. (aka 30 days supply). Somehow generic IS covered by my plan. And they CAN fill more than 6 days at a time. What a miracle!!!


Question: what's the word for what my insurance company has been doing to me this whole time? Fleecing? Tricking? Lying?

Something stronger?

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Thursday, September 9, 2010

Trying to get to Chapter 5

I'm borrowing this from Jacque. And I have determined that learning to move from chapters 1 through 4 to chapter 5 is painful.

Autobiography in 5 Simple Chapters

By Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost .... I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend that I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Give me strength

I had such high hopes on Friday. I had a very very good weekend. Three days.

Then Tuesday came. I know it's whiny, but here you go.

Locked myself and Brody out of the house.

While trying to access another door, drove a (probably lead based) paint chip half way undernearth my thumbnail.

Didn't settle a case. Going to trial September 20.

Daycare forgot to pick up B at preschool, so I got a million calls during court from work and preschool.

Tried the pretzel M&M's to console myself. Meh. B-. More like malt balls than pretzels and chocolate.

OH and one more thing. The geniuses who cleaned out the fridge at work on Friday (we all rotate) for some dumb reason turned OFF the fridge while cleaning it (WTF?) and then FORGOT to turn it back on. So my popsicles and my lunches for the week are kaput.
And...let's talk healthcare.
Name brand meds for the month cost my insurance company: $1600+
Generic meds for the month cost my insurance company: $366
You'd think that my insurance company,United Healthcare, would love to pay for the generic. But no. It's not on the plan.
I have to appeal to them to get them to save them over 75% a month on the prescription.
Give me strength.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

My life got made

Four years ago today, my life got made.



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