Monday, December 22, 2008

Just so I can make this all about ME

Two guilt items today.

1. When someone gets you a MUCH nicer gift than you got them. Eg, I gave a chili and cornbread mix from the Women's Bean Project. She gave me a large red leather tote and a really nice scarf and hat set that I actually need and like very much. What am I supposed to do with that? I love them, I'm not refusing them, but my gift SUCKS now.

2. Dante. Is this survivors' guilt? The grief swallows me and then I feel a need to step back and remember that in my life, this is not happening (and yet it is) and then I want to celebrate Brody and Christmas and talk about Santa (he woke up telling me "Santa Claus is coming"). Then I feel guilty for stepping back. As if it does Dante or his family any good that someone across the country is grieving with them.

Hell.

5 comments:

pattinase (abbott) said...

1. It's always a worry, isn't it? Then next year the reverse will happen.

2. It does do them good but they wouldn't want it to overcome you.

SaRaH said...

1. i HATE that. I have no advice. Perhaps she's an overgifter and should be feeling guilty.

2. It's so hard. When I realize that I've gone some time living happily without feeling grief I feel ashamed. Our misery can't be what that beautiful child needs.

Shannon said...

I have the some problems with Dante and guilt. I have SUCH a hard time thinking about him right now without feeling horribly sad...and I don't want to be horribly sad at Christmas with my children. So, I try NOT to think about him, and then I feel guilty. UGH.

Alina said...

Boy can I relate with both of your difficulties. Don't know the answer to either, though. :(

Robyn said...

I feel the survivor's guilt. I kwym.

I am a firm believer that people should give the gifts they can/want to give. Gifting guilt is for wimps. I would love to get some chili and cornbread mix. Or a red leather tote. I'd say thank you and move on with my life.