Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Guarded

Huh.

That's what I said when I saw the heartbeat.

I told the ultrasound tech, the nurses, everyone except the valet parker. I said, "I've had five miscarriages, I've done no treatment for this, this pregnancy is a surprise." In my head I was figuring out which day would be best for the D&C with my work schedule.

Then that fuzzy, grainy image came up on the screen, and for the first time in 6 pregnancies, I saw it immediately. It's that feisty, adamant flicker.

"Well," the tech said, "your little pumpkin has a heartbeat."

She measured the length and the rest of whatever measurements they do, and it came up as 6 wks, 5 days. I said, "But it's not measuring right." She looked and said, "No, your LMP puts you at 7wks, 4 days; there isn't even a week of discrepancy. This is fine." She sounded completely confident. Huh.

I feel fuzzy headed. Like I just inhaled laughing gas. But I'm not laughing or crying. I just keep saying Huh. I said that like 10 times in a conversation with Angie.


We talked to the nurse, and did the bloodwork.

Is it my cocktail of Excedrin and Diet Pepsi? Is that what I needed all along? Huh.

I'm not on the blood thinners, steroids, progesterone or IVIG I was on before. And we didn't do the lymphocyte immune therapy before conception.

And yet, a heartbeat. Huh.

It's good news. As far as I'm concerned, a heartbeat is a miracle. Each little heartbeat is a miracle. And as my friend Cathy, veteran of several miscarriages with a few miracle children herself, said, "Until it's not, it is."

Thank you thank you thank you for your texts, emails, comments here .. . . . I felt so surrounded by goodness going into the doctor's office today.
xo

9 comments:

Beth said...

Thinking of you and praying.

SaRaH said...

I like Cathy's quote. Until it's not, it is... something to enjoy and bask in and yes, even celebrate. Because if it ends, all the celebrating in the world won't make it better, but it also won't make it worse. Congratulations!

Jacque said...

I'm so happy for you. I was teaching a group of kids today and happened to look at the clock at 10:00. I instantly thought of you being at your u/s around that time and said a prayer. I pray your miracle with keep right on being a miracle!!

The Stringham 5 said...

Chris, when I saw your facebook update my heart did a flip flop and my eyes teared up. I prayed for you and your bean and I am going to continue to do so. Stay stuck, little miracle! ♥ And...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Hef said...

Wow.

Wow wow wow wow wow.

I know how anxious I've been during this pregnancy, so I can only imagine what you're feeling with all you've been through.

Hugs. Congrats. We love you AND that little flickering heartbeat.

Hez said...

Chris,
I am praying for you!!
Hugs.

Dear little bean,
So many people have wished for you to be right where you are, please stay there and keep on growing.

Life as a Caterpillar said...

Congratulations! I am so pleased for you

Good luck


xxx
lesley

Robyn said...

It's your baby. For however long, be it 2 weeks or 75 years, it's your baby, and you love her. And we all love you. If ever in my almost-32-years I prayed for a miracle, it's now.

Christine said...

Thank you, friends. I'm trying to enjoy it, but when the doctor calls you with news of progesterone being 9.9, it's hard. They are calling in a script for progesterone supplements right now.....