Better

I started this post out by apologizing for upsetting you. If I did, with that last post.

Then I stopped myself. I'm always saying to friends that they are entitled to their feelings. That's really annoying, I think. So fine, I'm not sorry about that last post.

The night I wrote it, and the night after that, were bad nights.

I spent Friday with Brody.

I feel better now.

Some symptoms of pregnancy have waned. And symptoms of miscarriage have started.

I'm not happy.

But I am better than I was.

It lightened me to write it all down.

And then I spoke with my sisters and brother over the weekend, and went to a friend's house for dinner, and talked with other friends, and read your comments.

It helped. We didn't talk about it, I don't know if they read the post, but it helped to see and talk with loved ones. Thank you.

Jeremy told me to remember how lucky we were to have Brody. I told him I wanted this baby, too. Then he said to remember all the good things we have. I told him that I was entitled to be sad. He had no response to that, and then he agreed.

I felt validated by him, and understood. It helps.

The Easter bunny left 6 water guns of varying sizes. Brody got the biggest one, which was bigger than half his body. I rationalized the purchase because (a) Brody already knows what guns are and (b) pulling the trigger is occupational therapy for his hands. (If you need to rationalize anything, email me; I will come up with a good reason for whatever you want to do).

It's Sunday morning. Brody is naked, naturally; Jeremy shirtless, me in my nightshirt. And the water fight began, inside (Brody refused to get dressed to go outside). By the time we were done, the kitchen, living room, stairs and bathroom floors were wet, and my stomach hurt from laughing so much and squealing. It was a take no prisoners-every person for himself water fight, and it was the best Easter morning I've had in a long time. Brody is ruthless.

I don't understand how a water fight helps, but it does.

Brody with his cousins on Easter Sunday: