I started this post out by apologizing for upsetting you. If I did, with that last post.
Then I stopped myself. I'm always saying to friends that they are entitled to their feelings. That's really annoying, I think. So fine, I'm not sorry about that last post.
The night I wrote it, and the night after that, were bad nights.
I spent Friday with Brody.
I feel better now.
Some symptoms of pregnancy have waned. And symptoms of miscarriage have started.
I'm not happy.
But I am better than I was.
It lightened me to write it all down.
And then I spoke with my sisters and brother over the weekend, and went to a friend's house for dinner, and talked with other friends, and read your comments.
It helped. We didn't talk about it, I don't know if they read the post, but it helped to see and talk with loved ones. Thank you.
Jeremy told me to remember how lucky we were to have Brody. I told him I wanted this baby, too. Then he said to remember all the good things we have. I told him that I was entitled to be sad. He had no response to that, and then he agreed.
I felt validated by him, and understood. It helps.
The Easter bunny left 6 water guns of varying sizes. Brody got the biggest one, which was bigger than half his body. I rationalized the purchase because (a) Brody already knows what guns are and (b) pulling the trigger is occupational therapy for his hands. (If you need to rationalize anything, email me; I will come up with a good reason for whatever you want to do).