Two words: we won

This is a bit late.

Most of you know already but for history's sake, a week ago today I was in my living room. An insurance adjuster was on our roof, about to tell me that the hail damage from the July 20 storm destroyed our two-year-old roof and that we need a new one.

I was idly checking my email messages on my phone.

Then I saw one that said this in the subject line:

Congratulations from HomeAway! First Runner-Up Winner for $5,000 prize

I don't think I took a breath for a few minutes as I read the message, again and again, within a 90 second span of time.

Then I cried. That joyous, fast, sort of tearless, hysterical crying. Then the tears came and I started to breathe very quickly.

The email said I couldn't tell anyone, not until we had signed, notarized and returned the documents and the other winners had done the same. I called one of the phone numbers listed and left an entirely embarassing voicemail, weeping, and trying to talk, to ask if I could tell my husband.

I got permission. And then, he wasn't available.

When he works in the shop at his job, there is no cell phone coverage and it's so loud he can't hear the pages from reception.

It was a long 3 hours til I reached him. He did not believe it, and then called me back a little later and sounded drunk, asking me again if it was really true.

Then it was officially announced.

It's interesting how quickly we can assimilate some events, and then, have a helluva time comprehending the related other parts.

For example, I can tell you that as I write this, I still can't really believe that we won. We won. I responded to an email that arrived in my inbox and wrote 500 words about us, and then asked everyone I knew to ask everyone they knew to vote, and it worked and we won. We won. I know it intellectually, but on a very basic level, it's surreal and strange and feels like someone else won.

On the other hand, just because I am living in a surreal world has not prevented me from contacting several property owners on Homeaway's site to inquire as to the availability of their home. Since I have about 4 hours of vacation time (I earn 12 hours every month), The Vacation, as it will be called, will occur in April or May, 2010 (we have until August 2010 to use the prize).

Where? Not the place we picked originally, the Canary Islands. First, Brody has a fear of water that I was not aware of when I wrote the entry. He refuses to go into the pool unless it's the 3 inch deep kiddie pool, and will barely take a bath. Second, the airfare to the Canary Islands is very expensive.

Which led me to traipse around the world on Homeaway, (a very excellent way to pass the time, if you haven't tried it), and find a little 12th century village called Villefranche-sur-mer, in the south of France, with a swimming beach, views of the Mediterranean sea,

trains to take people 15 minutes away to Italy and Monaco, and boats to take people to Corsica. We can walk to the patisserie in the morning, and get our bread from the boulangerie. It's very family-friendly, too, with nearby water parks, national parks, and castles, and fortresses to explore. This is a photograph of La Rue Obscure, which is the oldest road in Villefranche-sur-mer, built in the 12th century to give shelter and protection to its inhabitants.

In nearby Antibes, I recently discovered, I can stand where Vincent Van Gogh stood to paint my favorite piece of art of all time. . .

With any luck, this will be our terrace.

I am filled with joy and gratitude to Homeaway. Yes, I understand it they did it for marketing purposes, but the result is the same. Joy and gratitude.

The people I have dealt with at Homeaway have each been kind and supportive and so happy for us. I wrote to one of them to thank them:

The gift you've given us is not just the trip; it was feeling the love and support of family, friends and then strangers while we watched the voting; it was the cheers, squeals and giggles i heard when I told my husband,(he didn't squeal), sisters, mom, and friends that we had won; it's seeing my coworkers get choked up when I told them the news; and it's the anticipation and fun of planning a vacation with the two people I love most in this world, and knowing that whatever else happens, we will have this beautiful memory of an adventure that we never thought we'd be able to have.

And do you know what this person responded? An email full of kindness, which exemplifies everything good about Homeaway:

I’d say you’re welcome, but it doesn’t exactly describe the range of my sentiments. I am so happy for you - as are my co-workers for that matter - that I feel like I won myself..... I wish for you that you never forget that feeling which you spoke of, the realization that so many people love and care for you. That’s not exactly something I or anyone at HomeAway can take credit for—it’s something you brought on yourself. But if the contest helped you see it more clearly, well, fine by me.:-)

Some honest scrap

“The Honest Scrap award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant. The awardee must then post ten honest things about themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant.”

Thank you to Hef from Spewage and Nic from Single Mom in the City, who both gave me this award. That's pretty swank. So here we go......

Oh wait, before we start, to read an update and see pics of our (successful) Salt Lake trip, here is the link to the carepage.

1. I've been avoiding doing this. Make of that what you will.

2. At the urging of my friend Megan, her mother Patti (both of whom are published authors), my mother, my husband, sisters, sister-in law, and a few friends, my goal before 2009 is finished is to write a book proposal chronicling the adventures of recurrent miscarriage, living with Vacterl, and being a complete mess on a semi-regular basis.

3. The vacation contest. I really, really, really, want to win. Really. We are the 2nd highest vote getter: see here. But the judges can still pick any one of the 15 for 1st, 2nd and 3rd. And the highest votes (50,000+) were for a kid with muscular dystrophy who is in a wheelchair and on a vent. But my hopes are so high that on a daily basis I go to the website and pick out my dream vacations: most recurrent are St. Thomas and Villefranche-sur-Mer, France.

4. Lately I've been having moments at night where I imagine the moment of my death. And how devastatingly terrifying it is. And unbelievable. It really really really sucks and I'm trying to stop. I also have been having fears of me contracting some kind of cancer, or having a stroke. I think as the anxiety about B's health issues wanes, my sick little mind wants to focus on something else. I should probably be on paxil. But I'm not.

5. If I was not married or did not have a child, I'd probably be living in Europe. In the UK or France. I love it there. Growing up, we went to Germany a few times (my mom was born in Karlsruhe) and Paris. I love Germany too. I love the different-ness, and how close Europe is to even more exciting places I want to visit. In many ways I feel like home there.

6. If I had it all to do again, I would not be a lawyer. I'd be a psychologist or forensic anthropologist. Or I'd marry rich. Or be a teacher not because I'd be good at it but just to have summers off. I really do love the job I have now, but it's actually a really difficult career. There are so many land mines you could step on at any moment and other lawyers (on the other side of a lawsuit) are, well, jerks. And I'm a jerk to them too (when I have to be only). And most of the time when I'm in court, before I speak I feel sick to my stomach. I love the investigation side though, and the writing.

7. On at least a weekly basis, I look at Brody and marvel at how beautiful and clever he is. I get teary-eyed about it. I imagine how different my life would be without having ever known him, how much less vivid and less purposeful it would feel. Less heartache, too, and less worry, but also much much less joy. I don't know how it is, but I love him more every day. Probably more every hour.

8. Some of my favorite people in this life are women who I have never actually "met," except online. Their wit, wisdom and courage make me want to be a better person.

9. I was hating our house a few weeks ago, the lack of a master bath, no closet space, the crappy kitchen, the lack of new-ness (built in 1964). I went online and searched for houses in our price range that were for sale with all of the bells and whistles. I found some, but they lacked what I really love about our house and (surprising myself) consider essential: our neighbors and old growth trees. So now I'm oddly content with our house, even though it's a damn mess most of the time.

I then did the same thing (sort of) with children. I imagined if I could have children with no problem, and if we had a lot of money, if I would want another one. The answer was, surprisingly, only maybe. The truth is, I don't really feel incomplete. The three of us are a family and, let's face it, children are a lot of work. I don't know if I want the newborn experience again. I don't know if I want to spend less time with Brody. I don't know. And oddly, that has eased my heart a little bit.

10. I sabotage myself. In any number of ways. This is a recent revelation for me and it tells me that on some deep and very well-defended level I do not think myself worthy of not sabotaging. I don't know what to do with this knowledge.

That is my ten. Here are the two to whom I will pass on the challenge:

AnonMom

and

Shannon

Hello 4 digits

1001.

Oh, wait, 1006.

Those are the votes we have so far. In 3 days.

The internet is a powerful tool. Facebook too. My friends who are helping publicize this? Sublime. Even if we don't win a thing, this has been a very humbling and heartwarming experience.

In truth, I'm starting to feel like a bit of a shit. Dante's mom put it on her carepages and her facebook. An online friend who has a son Brody's age and whose husband has ALS put it on their carepage, and emailed everyone in her contact book. It floors me. Both of them deserve this more than me. If we win, we can pick a different vacation. I want to pick a bigger house and invite them to stay with us.

Thank you to everyone who is forwarding emails and putting this link on their blogs and voting. I keep telling Jeremy our new number. He says not to get my hopes up. I'm not. Well, not really. But checking on the number is addictive.

I wonder if people are reading or just clicking on the button. I kind of love to think that people are reading, and that at the very least we are spreading awareness about Vacterl association and recurrent pregnancy loss.

Here is the link.

1011.

Photos of our trip

Even eating cheerios in the morning, Brody is the handsomest little man in the world.


Having fun at the playground

Brody's aunt has a chocolate lab, named Fred. Brody did not understand that Fred was not his chocolate lab, Kahlua. Brody was glued to Fred the whole time, calling him Kakka, which is Brody speak for Kahlua. This is the only photo I could get of Brody and Fred, because Fred generally walked away as soon as Brody spotted him. As Brody's cousin Walker, age 3, said, Brody sure likes dogs.

Besides the dog, Brody loved helmets. I think it's because helmets signal something fun is about to happen. When Jeremy wears a helmet, it means Brody will get to see a motorcycle. In Brody's case, it means he's going on a bike ride!
Brody's first bike ride. Jeremy took him on the back of his bike, and afterBrody saw me on my bike, he said "Mama bike! Mama bike!" about 30 times.

In front of the house at Sunriver

Wow. . . a TV with controls that Brody can reach!

Brody refused to smile when I tried to take our self portrait.

I told Brody to hold onto Jeremy's ears, which delighted Brody. Jeremy not so much.

Oregon has much bigger trees than Colorado.

A pony ate my sapphire

We're back from vacation in lovely Sunriver, Oregon.

A pony really did eat the center stone of my ring, which was Brody's birthstone, a sapphire.

New words that Brody has learned on this vacation:

~Hey (eg, "Dada! Dada!" (no response) "HEY Dada!!!")

~Come (eg, "Come here!")

~School (eg, This morning, when I was dressing Brody to go to school (daycare) "No school, mama, no school! Stay!") (reentry into routine after non-stop fun-filled vacation is hard)

~Guy (eg, playing with "guys" who are either army men, ninja turtles, or action figures of any kind)

~Mamadada (eg, when the 3 of us are together, and Brody can't decide quickly enough who to call, talk to, etc, we are the unified "mamadadamamadada")

Pics to follow. . .