Monday, April 13, 2009

Vacation stream of consciousness

The last vacation I had was in 2005. July 2005. Granted, that was in Kauai, so it was pretty good. But it was in Kauai because I had just had my third miscarriage, after we had seen a heartbeat for the first time, and it was a consolation prize.

Now, I want a real vacation for the three of us. We've never been.

Something happened during my trip across the state - maybe it was driving by all of the vacation worthy spots like Vail and Glenwood Springs. But I am tunnel-vision with wanting this vacation.

Ergo, I am planning one. Even though we do not have the money for it. I am envisioning a 4 day-3 night August getaway with the boys. In a cabin with some kind of pool or hot tub in Estes Park, next to Rocky Mountain National Park. I really really really want to go and I become drunk with happiness when I envision it.

I cannot focus on anything else, really. I feel like I'm in a haze of some kind. A vacation-wanting haze.

One way we can afford it is if we do not go to the Vacterl conference in Philadelphia in June. For what it would cost for the three of us to fly to Philly, the hotel, meals, conference fees, car rental....we could easily have a long weekend in Estes, and a trip to see my mom in Las Cruces, NM, and possibly a weekend away for J and me.

I felt guilty about missing the conference for about a minute. Three trips for the price of one? Three really really really good trips? No competition. We need a break.

I mentioned vacationing with J, and have sent him links. I want to lock this up right now.

I want a vacation so badly that I am viewing the trip to Shriners next week for the thumb pollicization as some kind of vacation. Including the two days off from work I have that week as part of the quarantining efforts - Monday and Tuesday we are in the house and possibly the park, weather permitting. Just B and me.

I. Cannot. Wait. I am using all of my remaining paid time off - less 4 hours - for the week's adventures and I do not care at all.

I envision finally making the gingerbread house I bought in December with B, and making forts, and painting and using the rest of the bathtub paints before the month-long ban on baths... Also - happily - I envision cleaning and laundry and organizing my clothes and the tupperware cabinet. I really hate the tupperware cabinet.

Wednesday we fly. Thursday the 23rd is the surgery. And the Shriners man changed my reservation. And he could not have been lovelier about doing so. He said they had to pay a fee to do it, but after I offered to pay and apologized, he said he was the one who screwed it up.

Of course, all may be for naught because Brody has a cough.

Thursday of this week we are having a vision/hearing screen done through the county health services program for children with issues. I filled out the form. They asked me to list Brody's hospitalizations and surgeries.

In two lines.

I wrote: See attached. And attached the following:

9/3/06 Surgery: TEF repair

9/ /06 Surgery: Repair of hole in stomach created by placement of tube

1/4/07 Surgery: Craniosynostosis – fused metopic suture repair

2/28/08 Surgery: Placement of external fixators, bilaterally, to straighten arms

3/8/08 Hospitalization (5 days) due to infection in pins in arms

3/14/08 Surgery: Dilation of esophagus

4/24/08 Surgery: Adjusting pins of external fixators

5/22/08 Surgery: Wrist centralization bilateral

10/2/08 Surgery: Dilation of esophagus

11/8/08 Surgery: Cystogram

11/19/08 Surgery: Ureter reimplantation to repair vesicoureteral reflux

1/29/09 Surgery: Thumb pollicization (right) (moving index finger into thumb position)

4/23/09 Surgery: Thumb pollicization (left) (moving index finger into thumb position)

This list is very short compared to some Vacterl children, I know. However, it occurs to me at this moment that compiling this list may be the very reason I am jonesing for a vacation that does not involve surgery.

And why I am constantly using all of my paid time off.

And one more thing. Thank God for the Family Medical Leave Act and job protection during a serious illness of a family member. Say what you will about Bill Clinton, but the man got it right with the FMLA.


feitpingvin said...

Take the vacation. It's good to get that mental break...

Sure, conferences can be useful for getting new information, meeting people, etc. But... if you go to the conference, you won't get a mental break, but only more angry hornets buzzing in your head... is that really what you *need* ?? You can always get the latest updates and meet people online, but you can't get that proper mental break online...

Christine said...

Cynthia, how did you know about the angry hornets buzzing??? LOL. You are exactly right though... we need a break.

Jacque said...

I say take the vacation too! You SO deserve it. The list of surgeries is mind blowing to me. I hope next week's surgery goes well, I'll be praying that it does.

SaRaH said...

Go. Away. As much as you can. It's gonna be lovely. Promise.

SaRaH said...

Oh, and let that tupperware go. No matter what 'system' I find, it always ends up in a jumble. Life is short.

SaRaH said...

I know I'm over the acceptable limits for commenting, BUT... as you know, I had a cleft palate/lip and had many many surgeries as a child (although Brody will have me beat). TO THIS DAY, on those information forms, they ask me to list EVERY surgery I've ever had. I question how far back they want and they seriously tell me ALL of them. Like I know. It just makes me laugh.

feitpingvin said...

Christine: I think my angry hornets have somehow channeled to your angry hornets ;-) Seriously, take the break. A cabin trip sounds lovely. Nature and fresh air does wonders!

Rebecca Batey Fradin said...

Three cheers for vacation!!!!

But man I'd love to meet you two in person at a conference. :)

"See attached" is my best friend. Ha! It's funny...I think we must be filling out the same forms. I just met with a public aide person last week to start the process for getting Ben therapy in our home rather than through private offices. Stupid forms. They get me thinking about the dumbest stuff, what really "counts" as surgery? Every trip to the OR? Or just ones in which something is cut? What about scopes? Biopsies? See...totally silly.

Have some lovely, much deserved vacations from it ALL!

- becca

pattinase (abbott) said...

You need the vacation more than you need to submerge yourself in that conference. You know what you need to know. You feel what you need to feel. Now breathe, you need that most and so do the boys.