Here's how I am

My sis sent me a care package (as have her 2 daughters) and I get teary eyed. Clothes for the boys (boys!!!) from my alma mater, teensy weensy monkey shoes, a wall stencil that says “every day holds the possibility of miracles” for the baby’s room, presents for Brody, presents to take care of me, presents to pay for the baby. They made me feel like I was swaddled.

On the other hand, we’re working on finances. You can imagine how that is. I called to cancel HBO and Showtime, and instead Directv knocked down our cost for those two by 66%, gave us a $50 credit, a free HD DVR, and free installation of the DVR. I wish our mortgage company or day care would do that.

I’m 34 weeks. I’ve never been this pregnant. I waddle, and I can feel his head (or butt) and his kicks and hiccups all the time. Most shirts and pants ride up, or down, respectively. My last blood pressure at the doctor’s was 110/68. Yes, I’m on meds for it, but ….. that's fairly outstanding. No other signs of pre-eclampsia. I do start stress tests next week.

I’ve been concentrating so hard on making it this far, and I somehow feel surprised that I did. I really didn’t think I would. It highlights for me how bad my prenatal care was with Brody, because I had pre-eclampsia that essentially went un-treated for weeks, I see now.

Here I am at 34 weeks, with nothing to do. Oh, we still have to do the baby's room; it is still the guest bedroom. Know why? Because I figure that “when” I get admitted to the hospital for pre-eclampsia, Jeremy can do the room without me. I figure “when” baby is in the NICU for a while, we can finish up his room at home. I was actually looking forward to a day or two in [hospital] bed before giving birth, time for the lung maturation shot to take effect. Watch TV and read books all day. I’m prepared for the unexpected!

How the universe must enjoy my lessons. Just when I thought I had accepted that I had no control over this process, the universe sends me for a loop. December 1 is looking more and more likely. We scheduled the c-section for that date. (Although I dreamt I gave birth November 23)

I'm full of distraction, procrastination, a desire to bake lemon bread, envy for those who can drink stiff drinks (I salivated at the sight of a martini the other night), interest in things pagan, setting boundaries, increased difficulty in twisting and rising from bed, adoration for Brody as always, and putting up with my husband when I can stand it. Hubs did wash the walls behind the sofa this weekend and deep cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen. But he made me help him, so he’s not that great.

Right after this photo was taken from my office this morning, all hell broke lose with a wicked rainstorm, and most of the leaves on these trees disappeared: