Brody never climbed out of the crib. But it became clear that he was too big for it.
About a month ago, we switched out the crib to the toddler bed. The toddler bed that is actually a race car, the kind that use the crib mattress. The bed that is in the exact same position in his room as his crib.
Then we had the latest surgery at Shriners at the end of January.
Since then, he has developed the habit of not going to bed peacably anymore and saying "mommy, stay" or "mommy, cuddle me." I mean, really, why not just pierce my heart with a knife. How can I walk away from him saying that, while crying real tears, in the middle of the night?
And I know it only prolongs it and make it worse.
Every time we get back from a hospital stay, we have issues with sleeping. Every single time. This last time in January, it was different because I didn't sleep with him in the bed, just in the room. I thought that would be better.
Of course, it was not.
Because we've thrown into the mix the toddler bed? Because he's traumatized from all of his surgeries? Is he afraid he'll fall out of the bed? Does he feel like his arms won't break his fall?
But this is what Brody has told us. He has told us to "put the race car bed away." "No like race car bed." "Scared race car bed."
Well, we can't return the crib because Jeremy disassembled it to the point of lacking utility any longer. Because who would think that a 2 year old boy wouldn't want to sleep in a race car bed???
Last night? Brody was "up" (although I doubt he was ever asleep) NINE.TIMES.
He was never up nine times while a newborn. NINE.TIMES.
Six times between 9:30 -11:30 pm. "Blankie mommy." "Ball mommy." "Leave door open, mommy." "Cuddle mommy." "Stay mommy." Crying every time. Using every excuse. "Wanna watch TV on the couch, mommy."
11:15pm. "You can't go on the couch, Brody. Your choice is the race car bed or the floor."
"I want sleep floor."
Holy christ. Really? So I put a pillow and a towel on the floor in his room. WTF is going on? Have we all lost our minds? He lasts about 15 seconds.
Finally, out of sheer exhaustion (query me this - is it really impossible for Brody to know when I have early morning court appearances? Because he seems to know exactly when they are. I can't remember the last time I didn't have dark circles in court) I bring Brody into bed with us.
There's Jeremy, on his side of the king bed, sprawled and happy. There's Brody, in the middle, sprawled and happy.
There's me. On my side. Using 5 inches of mattress. Not sleeping. Mommy maaaad.
I eventually did sleep. Right around 12:30. At 12:40, I wake up to Brody slapping his foot on his bare stomach. WTF?
"Wanna go race car bed, mommy." At least we're agreed on where he is going.
Jeremy and I praise him for his choice. Ok, so just Jeremy did. I was afraid to say anything. I wanted to sue him for emotional distress.
Put him back in bed. He's got Elmo, monkey, Cookie Monster, blankie 1, blankie 2, pillow. Door open. Light on.
Until 2:30am. Wow. Almost a 100 whole minutes.
I give up. Drug him with 8 ounces of milk, and he goes to sleep.
Until 5:30am. And he's up for the day.
Is it the surgeries? Is he traumatized? Does he just want me there? Do I have to stay there even if he does? Why is he scared of the race car bed? What's an alternative? Is he afraid to fall out of the race car bed?
I'm so tired. I have no idea what to do. The teachers at daycare are clueless. I'm clueless. Jeremy is clueless. Please tell me what to do? I wanna eat sleep.