Sunday, August 14, 2011

Wisdom hurts

I just had a lovely weekend away, in Vegas, with 3 good friends. I missed the boys like crazy. I came home, no thanks to flight delays, and Brody said, as we were cuddling, that he wished we didn't ever have to go to school or to work ever again.

Then it hit me.

He starts kindergarten in one week.

And my baby is gone.

And a wave of regret and sorrow crashed over me like I haven't felt in a long time.

I should not have been at work these years of his life. I can't believe all the hours and days I've missed of his little life while I was at work. And he was growing up. And now in one week he starts elementary school and I'm never going to get that time back and I should have stayed home we should have figured out a way for me to be home with him all this time and I can't believe I missed everything I missed and I can't believe I didn't realize before now, before there's only week left. And where did the years go and why didn't I spend them with my son instead of at work and what will I do how will I make that up to him?

One week. Why did it take me so long to see?


Amelie said...

Our kids can give us the guilt, can't they? They're champions at it and with playing with our insecurities. I know the feeling... What a trap! We go to school, get a degree, get a good job in a good company... then we have a child but how can we just quit??? Our jobs have made us who we are and they bring us financial stability. Money doesn't make happiness, but I know the impact of financial stress on a family (mine when I was a kid). How complicated mothers have it in our country. I wish there was a law that allowed all mothers to work part-time if they wished:a 3 or 4-day weekend? Wouldn't that be ideal? A little bit of work to allow for social life (and a much needed break from our monsters) along with a fair amount of time spent at home. Let's try to cheer ourselves up here. My mom stayed home and I don't remember a thing, only the financial stress of having the whole family rely on one source of income (pretty scary these days). We're just doing the best that we can with what the challenges that life has given us.

Christine said...

Thank you, Amelie. You are wise and kind. xo

Teacher Mama said...

Exactly what Amelie said. (((Chris)))