The sugarplum wrote back.
I was driving to work yesterday, and I started gagging. Then dry heaving. Then all out vomiting.
Since it was 8am, I had on dress clothes, and full application of bare minerals. You know when you throw up, your eyes water? I looked in the rear view mirror - after I had pulled over to vomit in peace - and there were streaks of white going down my face. A couple of women saw me- I looked like a horror movie.
And I was nauseous the rest of the day.
So this afternoon, I was most happy when we saw the heartbeat again. It was the portable ultrasound, so we saw a giant head, two legs, two arms, and one determined beating heart. Jeremy was there too. It hit him, and now it's hitting me.
What if this works?
Jeremy has started planning. But, "We just sold all our baby stuff, didn't we?" he asked. Yes, yes we did. I just laughed.
I have no worries about baby equipment. I have worries about being given a life that I long ago thought was lost to me. How do I reconcile that? It's like the world I love is being eclipsed by a world I always wanted and never thought I'd be able to have and I wonder, why me? But for once, it's not this self-pitying why me, but a genuinely curious, really, universe?, befuddled.... why me?Why do •I• get the rainbow?
I asked Brody if the baby is a boy or a girl. He's pretty sure it's a boy. And he wants to name him Castle.
Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts and wishes. xoxox
Also, we have about 500 pics from France, but we can't download them and our monitor is dead. J and I also created a list of things the French do well, and don't do well. I'm hoping to post them for posterity.
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